How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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