We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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