Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
