OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
True college students do jello shots in the library
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
