i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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