oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
