Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
he thought i was a dude.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
