You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
