I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
