i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
