So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
