I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
