yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
It was like getting head from an anaconda
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
