Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
