Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
