i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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