I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
