i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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