New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
