I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
