when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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