I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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