I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was a blind-side dick pic.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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