perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
