I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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