Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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