i just google imaged poop.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
