JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
