Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
