I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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