i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
