He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
