Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
