my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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