Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Vodka?
Forever.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
