i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
