I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
