I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
