I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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