so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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