My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
