Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
