He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she smelled like a LAN party
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
