May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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