He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
