Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
