I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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