I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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