ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
