How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
