I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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