my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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