We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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